We get it, it’s your wedding day. You’ve planned it, you’ve paid for it, and almost everything should be to your liking — operative word almost. One thing you might not have control over is what your bridesmaids decide to do to their appearance before your wedding, like getting a haircut. And one bride just learned that wedding truth the hard way.
A soon-to-be bridesmaid asked Reddit’s “Am I the Asshole” thread if she was in the wrong for cutting her long hair before her sister-in-law’s wedding. “I’ve been growing my hair for years and got tired of it. Yesterday, I went from hair down past my butt and had it cut into a short cut, like a pixie,” the original poster wrote.
She even went on to share the sweet reason why she decided to cut it all off: “I cut so much of it because I donated to an organization called Wigs for Kids; they make wigs for free for children with cancer and alopecia,” she explained. “Overall, I donated 48 inches of hair. I absolutely love it, the hair stylist said it was perfect for my face shape, my fiancé loves it, it’s been such a confidence booster.”
Earlier in the post, the bridesmaid explained that her sister-in-law is getting married in June and that she is planning a big wedding. She admitted that the bride has been very kind but rightfully picky — until this point.
“I posted a picture on Instagram today along with a picture of the bundles of hair I sent off to donate,” she wrote. “I later get a text from her saying I should have asked before I cut all that hair off as she doesn’t think it’ll match her extremely feminine designs/decorations, I’m in her wedding party and now will stand out from her and the other girls (they all have long hair too), and wishes I had waited just a month to cut it.”
The bridesmaid, who was well within her right to cut her own hair, was truly stuck on how to respond. She explained in her now-viral post it was the first wedding she would be in and didn’t know if this sort of thing was normal. “Should I have asked her before making such a dramatic physical appearance change?” she posed to the group.
“It’s your hair and you did an amazing thing with it, don’t be made to feel bad for it,” one commenter responded. Another sent a PSA to brides everywhere about what really matters when it comes to picking your bridesmaids: “I don’t understand the bridezilla impulse to try to control your wedding party’s appearance, but you should be asking people to be in the wedding party because they’re important to you, not because they’re aesthetically pleasing.” Preach.
While most of the 300-plus comments agreed that the bridesmaid was not in the wrong, a few sympathized with where the bride was coming from. “I don’t think you [did] anything wrong and your body your choice, but I can understand her feelings too,” someone wrote. “As you said it’s a big wedding, and she is under pressure and probably have a lot of expectations. I totally understand that it’s a pretty ridiculous thing to be pissed [off] by, but if she had a really precise view of what she wanted, she might feel betrayed, especially if her wedding is next month.”
Ultimately the bride and bridesmaid worked it out. The bridesmaid made an update to her original post with the good news. “Neither of us are upset, she just said she had a bad day (caterer canceled on her) so my hair was another unexpected surprise related to her wedding and she did overreact,” she wrote. “She said she loves the haircut and she’s sure it’ll look just as great in the floral headbands still. We’re all okay now, thanks everyone for the advice.”